Every party to adoption, including the adopted child, the birth parents, and the adoptive families, deserves accurate representation and respect. Unfortunately, we often use terminology that is outdated or inaccurate when speaking about adoptions, and sometimes that language can be hurtful.

Although many people are not personally connected to adoptions, using positive language can help educate others and validate the feelings of children and parents who have been involved in the adoption process.

Adoption Language is Personal

Although we are encouraging individuals to use accurate adoption language when speaking with adoptees and adoptive parents, it is important to note that a person's perspectives and feelings about their own adoption are always valid, and they might choose to use traditional language to describe themselves and their families.

The adoption language we encourage here is that which aligns with the legal status of families who adopt, children who have been adopted, and parents whose parental rights have been terminated.

Review of the Law

As you may already know, in Tennessee, adoption is the process by which the parental rights of a child's birth parents are terminated, and the parental rights to the child are established in the adoptive parents.

The legal effect is that the adoptive parents have rights and responsibilities as if the adopted child was born to them, and the birth parents no longer have rights to the child.

Practical Effect

Once the adoption process is completed, a child is the child of the parents who adopted her, and is no longer an "adopted child". Likewise, the parents are no longer "adoptive parents." For this reason, using accurate language when talking about adoption helps validate the parent-child relationship, and normalizes talking about families without qualifying words, such as "adopted," "adoptive," "real," etc. Because adoptions are so important to provide children with healthy and loving homes and families, we should strive to avoid any judgmental or hurtful language.

One more disclaimer: this topic is very subjective and always evolving, so these suggestions are very general and are just that - suggestions.

Suggested Language

Instead of saying this,
say this!

Adoptive Parent
Parent

Adopted Child
Child

Adoptee
Person/Child/Person who was adopted/Child who was adopted

Is Adopted
Was Adopted

Accidental/Unwanted Pregnancy
Pregnancy

Illegitimate Child
Child/Child born to unmarried parents

Give up
Place for adoption/Choose adoption/Make adoption plan

Real Parent/Natural Parent
Birth parent/Biological parent/First parent

Real Child/Own Child
Child

Unwanted Child
Waiting child

Difficult to Place
Child with special needs

Hopefully, this list can help when talking about adoptions.

If you have any questions or need any help finalizing your adoption, book a consultation today!